


waiting and wanting

by Cappriccioso



Category: Final Fantasy XIV
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Au Ra Warrior of Light (Final Fantasy XIV), Au Ra Xaela Warrior of Light (Final Fantasy XIV), Drabble Collection, Estinien Goes To The First And Adopts A Child, F/M, Female Warrior of Light (Final Fantasy XIV), I took canon and twisted it, Named Warrior of Light (Final Fantasy XIV), Patch 5.0: Shadowbringers Spoilers, big chapters? i dont know her, doman wol, i dont know what formatting is im sorry, major character death except not really, no beta we die like men, samurai wol, so he's not in this, thancred is an awful character and i refuse to write him, white mage wol
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-05
Updated: 2020-06-05
Packaged: 2021-03-03 19:07:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,332
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24550552
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cappriccioso/pseuds/Cappriccioso
Summary: How much is a life worth, really? Is it worth more to die, or to live? Or mayhap, to die so others might live? Perchance, I found that mine was worth less than a continent, depending on how you looked at it. I died, so that a continent could sleep safely, so its’ leaders could close their eyes in sorrow, but not regret their choice.The choice they made to save thousands of lives.The choice that killed the Warrior of Light.Perhaps, my life was worth the future. The future that is possible because I lived, and then I died, and that’s really worth everything, isn’t it?
Relationships: Warrior of Light/Estinien Wyrmblood
Kudos: 4





	1. the beginning

**Author's Note:**

> i cant explain where this came from except my friends are enablers and i love dramatics.  
> s/o to ghost mortis (cactuar) and shinji nakamura (faerie) for putting up w me lol

Ichika Fuyuno stared down the door before her, her fist raised to knock, but frozen. Nerves were getting to her, and she was dreading the conversation, but she knew it needed to be said. She couldn’t move forward without it. She closed her eyes, took a deep breath, and then another. Opening her eyes, she squared her shoulders and knocked her knuckles against the firm wood of the door. Her senses picked up on movement behind it and then it was opening, revealing the scowling visage of a long, white haired Elezen, who looked as if he had just awoken. Estinien looked down at her and snarled out a curt “what?”

“I-I’m sorry I-” she paused and cleared her throat.

“I need to speak with you. It’s of the utmost importance. I will not leave until we have this conversation.”

Her voice was firm, though beneath her dress, hidden from sight, her tail was twitching like a live wire, so full of nerves was she. He narrowed his eyes at her, and then opened the door a bit wider, reluctantly inviting her into his temporary rooms.

“You woke me up, so I hope this is worth it.”

She nodded firmly, her fists clenched at her sides, before walking into the room. He closed the door behind her and then leaned against it, all deadly grace and caution. She turned to look at him, the blue rims of her eyes glowing with intensity, making the silver within it look molten. She watched him snap to attention, and focus solely on her.

“If something were to happen to me, will you look after the Scions in my stead?"

Estinien grit his teeth in annoyance.

“I’m not a babysitter. Nor am I fond of how you are hinting at something sinister. If aught is going on, you need to tell me.”

He stood up straight from his lean, and uncrossed his arms. “Why have you approached me like this? Why am I the one you choose?”

Ichika laughed wetly, her turbulent emotions finally tumbling out and threatening to choke her.“I chose you because I trust you. I know you’ll do anything to do what needs to be done. I cannot claim to know you fully, but I do know you as a friend. I know, even if I hadn’t asked, you would still keep an eye on at least Alphinaud.”

Ichika paused, and wiped at her eyes. She was crying now, and she was terrified she couldn’t stop.

“I-I’m sorry. I didn’t want to get emotional. This conversation is too important, I-” She cut off, her eyes wide.

Estinien had walked closer and cupped her face in his hands. He looked into her eyes and she felt as if he was staring directly into her soul, and could see all her hidden feelings and emotions.

“Something is going on, and you cannot tell me. I know you as well as you know me. I do not make oaths often, but I will swear to you- I will help you with whatever this is. The worst will not come to pass, and you will continue to look after the Scions and Eorzea as a whole, while I will look out for you. I swear on my spear and my honor, this I will do.”

He closed his eyes and leaned his forehead against hers. They breathed together, standing there in his room. Their aether swelled around the other, and Ichika couldn’t stop the tears from pouring down her face. She knew. She knew that despite how her heart sang to be here, held so gently in his hands, to be so protected from the world, in this moment.

She knew.  
She knew, and wept in heartbreak.


	2. and then

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> and then it happened.

Estinien bit out a swear as he pushed through dense underbrush. It had been a week, a week since he had held Ichika’s face in his hands and swore to protect her from whatever had her so scared and emotional.

A week, since she had fallen asleep in his arms, exhausted from her emotional turmoil.

A week since he had awoken to find her gone.

A long, long week of waiting and waiting, of fruitlessly reaching out to her linkpearl, over and over, each time anticipating the beep signalling a connection, and each time disappointed as the call goes unanswered. The Scions had mobilized after the first day of no sign of her, reaching out to contacts scattered across the realm, from Limsa to Doma and beyond. Reports of possible sightings of her started popping in, and the Scions looked into every single one, until only a few solid leads started to shine through. Those, Estinien investigated himself, along with whatever Scion decided to tag along, though each one proved to be a dead end. Nevertheless, he persisted on, until even Tataru had attempted to order him to bed.

Estinien scowled at that memory-they didn’t understand. Every time he closed his eyes, he saw hers, silver and blue, rimmed in red from crying, looking up at him with such sorrow and longing, he couldn’t bear it. Ichika was precious to the Scions, yes. But to him- to him she was- she was… He couldn’t finish the thought, his heart felt as if it was caving in and he needed to focus on the mission. Find Ichika, figure out what had made her so desperate, end it and then go home.

Estinien paused in his thoughts, his nose picking up on the smell of blood and decay. His heart rate picked up and he pushed further into the forest, following the horrifying stench. Upon moving past a large bush, he almost wished he hadn’t decided to investigate. There was carnage everywhere, there was so much blood he could hear his boots squelch as he entered the clearing. There were only three bodies, which was odd, there was easily enough blood for five. He noticed a glimmer in the underbrush and cautiously approached it, not caring as he stepped through the viscera in his path. Pushing aside the brush and leaves, he felt his heart stop and the blood in his face drain.

Ichika’s staff, the one she was so proud of, the one she showed off to him the second she obtained it, and had babbled on about to him for what seemed like hours, spouting something about how clear the focus was, and how the wood was optimal for long battles and withstanding her magic, the one she had let him hod and then place safely away in her tent before letting him lean down and- The one that was now laying before him, covered in bloodshed, the wood splintered like it had exploded, the crystal focus cracked beyond repair, its mirror surface showing him how pale his face was, how full of encroaching despair his eyes were. He felt his heart, typically unmoving and closed off, crack and he felt a shadow of Nidhogg’s rage, except it was only his own. The implications were filtering into his mind and desperation was starting to take over. He looked around wildly, his eyes darting every which way. If her staff was here, then where was she? And, if her staff was in such a state, Twelve fortend, what state was _she_ in?

He didn’t know.

_He didn’t know._


	3. and next

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> what happens when your aim is perfect but you snag the wrong thing?  
> what does it mean?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> whoops lots of exposition and dialogue. *shrug* just gotta be said ig.

G’raha Tia suppressed a smirk. The spell had hooked onto an aether signature that he was certain was hers. He closed his eyes and focused harder, it wouldn’t do to grab her and then lose his grip as he was pulling her through the Aetherial Stream. Something nagged in the back of his head about the sheer size of the aetherial signature, but he ignored it. It had been a few years for her since they had last met, it would make sense for her power to grow… With one last grunt of effort, he fully pulled the signature into the First, and into the Ocular, drawing upon the crystal tower’s power as he felt his wane. The magic circle pulsed and grew incredibly bright. G’raha shielded his eyes with his flesh arm until he stopped seeing the glow behind his lids. He slowly brought down his arm and binked rapidly, trying to get his eyes to re adjust.

His eyes were still blurry but- that seemed like...more than one person on his floor. He rubbed at his eyes, hoping maybe it was just after images, but...no. There were definitely five bodies on his floor, all of varying sizes and races. And they were definitely beginning to regain consciousness. G’raha panicked, because they were also definitely naked as the day they were born, and willed the tower to provide him blankets, which he threw over each of them. As he looked at them closer he realized they looked a lot like the descriptions of the Scions, except for the long silver haired Elezan, he had read in books, and based on what Cid had said, all those years ago when he was just a scholar, first discovering a crystal tower. He felt dread pool in his gut, along with confusion. The spell was designed to grab onto the largest concentration of one specific person’s aetherial signature, namely Ichika’s, in this situation.

And yet, instead of what should have been Ichika, he had brought over.... The Scions. While G’raha was puzzling and despairing of the spell’s outcome, the Scions were coming to, and Y’shtola in particular was marveling at the sheer concentration of the aether moving around her, never staying in the same place, in strict paths almost like veins in a body. She slowly sat up, her arm instinctively coming up to catch and hold the blanket against her chest. What she saw was a blue room, looking to be made from crystal, and a hooded man in front of her, nervously tapping on his staff, his aether eerily similar to the aether flowing around the room. Glancing around, she spotted the other Scions sans Thancred, plus Estinien, likewise as unclothed as she, with blankets thrown over their forms, beginning to sit up and blink at their surroundings. Looking at the man again, she saw him jump a bit, when he noticed her looking at him. He seemed to gather himself before clearing his throat, immediately bringing their attention to him.

“Ah, first I would like to apologize. You were… not the subject of my summons. I was attempting to summon one person, and yet seem to have summoned five, with my intended nowhere in sight.” Here, he paused, trying to find his words.

“I will do all I can to figure where I went wrong, and send you back… Ah, I hope it is not too presumptuous, but, assuming you are who I think you are, might I at least explain my need to summon aid? Though you are not the one I had hoped to ask, your viewpoint would at the very least be very appreciated.”

Urianger spoke up. “Pray chance, might thee tell us whomst it is believed we are?”

The man, whom they noticed had half his body encased in crystal, nodded. “I believe you to be the Scions of the Seventh Dawn, however, you are missing a prominent member, who also happens to have been the one I was aiming to summon.” At his last comment, G’raha noticed the silvered haired man stiffen and narrow his eyes.

“If you’re talking about Ichika, forget it. You can’t summon her.”

G’raha’s eyes widened a tad, taken aback by this man’s sudden aggressive body language and tone. “Yes, that is who I had intended to summon. What do you mean by that last comment? Why can’t I summon her?”

The man grit his teeth as his eyes grew cold. He reached his hand over his shoulder as if to grab a weapon, only to find air. He brought his arm back to his side and clenched his fists. “You can’t summon her because she’s dead.”

G’raha felt the bottom of his stomach fall, and despair began to fill him, before logic caught up and he grew confused. “I don’t mean to sound rude, but- are you sure?” He opened his mouth again to explain his reasoning, but the man beat him to it.

“Of course I’m sure. She wouldn’t- She wouldn’t just leave m- us. Not for a year. Not without any word, or note. And nothing could hold her back, except death itself, apparently. She’s dead, there’s no other option. I found the blood and her staff myself!” At this the man struck his fist against the crystal floor. “Don’t ask me if I’m sure. Don’t.”

G’raha stood silent, absorbing and processing his words, before he looked the man in the eyes. “I believe you are wrong. If Ichika was dead, the spell wouldn’t have worked in the first place. The way the spell is designed, it latches onto the largest concentration of a certain person’s aether. Typically, this means it would latch on to that person, because you can’t have a greater concentration than the source of the aether. In our case however, I hypothesize it instead latched on to Ichika’s aether that’s been infused with your own. This happens when we spend a lot of time with someone, sort of like how certain personality traits will rub off one someone you spend lots of time with. Also, the more deeply you care for someone, the more aether you subconsciously fuse with theirs. How this ties in to why I believe Ichika isn’t dead is simple. When you die, your aether dissipates. All of your aether, even the bits infused with someone else.” He paused, and looked them all in the eyes. They were staring at him in various states of shock, and the man looked so tense, G’raha was half convinced he was going to crack like stone.

“If Ichika was dead, the spell _would not have worked_ , and _none of you would be here_.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> dun dun dun! wonder where ichika's at? lol


End file.
